Why do I look....

So today I started doing my usual downward spiral (and I don't mean NIN) when it comes to my blogs.

Instead of having a laissez-faire attitude about whether or not people actually read my blog. I am sitting waiting to see if the number goes up....

What this means? Other than the fact that I've obviously had a fairly slow day at work, is that I'm basing my success as a blogger and my idea of being an interesting individual on whether or not people read and/or comment on my blog. This is totally something I need to work on.

I don't know why we all have such a striving need for approval in some way or another. I wish I was able to just write without others opinions being prominent in the back of my mind. But I have failed yet again to be able to complete something without feeling a need for approval.

This truly bothers me and it should not. I should be able to write and discuss my ongoing journey in life, art and all things without feeling like I am trying to appease some other individuals. I want to be able to scream my ideas out to the world without feeling like someone is going to 'hush' me like I'm in a library.

So I'm going to shout.... I will shout and shout and shout and one day I will be able to write without feeling like I need a following or approval. Maybe the only answer is to just keep my nose to the grindstone and keep going.

I should just write and if someone comments then I can read that, but other than that I should avoid looking at the tracking pages.

Maybe we should start a mantra.... "I am successful individual, I enjoy my art, my family and my blog, I have a job I love, I am successful in everything I do, I am happy, health, safe and strong, I am rewarded for my hard work, I am surrounded by people that love me and are supportive of anything I choose to do, I am comfortable monetarily and am truly happy with where my life is at, I have strong and supportive roll models whether I know them personally or not, I am happy being me."

Well that's a good start.... If there is anything else that I feel should be added I will update the mantra in further posts. Heck just writing that out makes me feel all glowy inside.

Until next time
Keep Creating.
Angie

Too many Cons, not enough time...

To those of you who know me, and some who don't, you will soon come to realize that I have a very LARGE geek streak! At times I tend to tone it down as well as I can (as in at "Work") but most of the time I am proud to be a little geeky, a little punk and a little bit everything else.

Today I have a big "Le Sigh" about not ever nearly having enough money in order to all the Geeky things I would love to do.

One of the big things is having to choose between Cons....

Yes I know, who goes to conventions (and if you don't know what that means, then shame on you). Well I do! My husband and I have an ongoing date (as in this year it will be SANS MONKEY!!! and even A HOTEL!!!!!!!) at Fan Expo! If you don't know all the amazingness of Fan Expo then go check it out! It is a menagerie of all things geeky... Including this year's top stars of Stan Freekin Lee, Patrick Steward and Kevin Smith... whom I'm really hoping to see in action at the Jay & Silent Bob Get Old performance if my budget can handle it. 

What I am "Le Sighing" about is the fact that Polaris is on this weekend and I wish I had it in my budget to go this year. Mainly for the fact that I have a slight *cough* thing for Wil Wheaton. I don't know what it is but I think I have a border line obsession... heck my husband even makes comments LOL. Now I am not the kind of person to go up to him and totally geek out but I just may.... Instead it's this ongoing thing...

A story... when I was little I was a huge Star Trek the Next Generation fan. My dad and I watched it religiously, and I was at that right age to have a total kid crush on Wesley Crusher. I know, pathetic, but what can you say to a kid.... As I was watching the Guild when I was pregnant with my daughter (being I wasn't allowed to work) I was totally fascinated by this jerk of a character called Fawkes. Low and Behold it's my old childhood crush.... When I found that out I TOTALLY freaked out. Now once discovering this I started following his blog and has since very much enjoyed everything he has come to create in a career and as a Geek Icon. I am now an avid watcher of Table Top and follower of his Twitter feed.

What this has to do with conventions??? Well, Mr. Wil Wheaton will be attending Polaris, and I so don't have an extra $100 for entry, and possibly pics, and parking, in my budget after planning for Fan Expo this year.

So I "Le Sigh" and someday, when it is meant to be, I will meet all those I find to be interesting individuals. Those who inspire me to enjoy and embrace all the different parts of me, from the artist, to the geek and so on.

Until next time...
Angie

Fears, Obstacles and the Chorus of Idiots.

So as I had mentioned before I have finished chapter 2... which is namely about identifying and facing your fears. My issue?? I'm not really afraid of completion or creation. If anything at times I tend to be overconfident and believe that I can create/re-create most art I see....

I understand that there are a lot of reasons to have fears in the creation and the path of art. There are the fears of failure, persistence and rebuttal. But I have never truly feared any of these items. Instead my issues tend to consist of a lack of funding and what I like to call the Chorus of Idiots.

The chorus of idiots is that nagging discussion in the back of your head that seems to enjoy stating the most negative sentiments you can think of. Often they are along the lines of "why bother" and "what's the point" but I have managed to smack and beat the chorus down to a not so subtle mutter most the time. My chorus seldom seems to reflect my commitment or creation of art. Instead it they tend to be more centered around large sentiments that I know I am unable to do anything about.

So I'll keep beating back my chorus, and try to budget my funding within my desires to create. I still need to get my space together. It's just a matter of time... but patience is a virtue... right??

 So I will keep reading on and trying to find time between work, family and my 16 month old to get my art space together. When it finally is successful you will be one of the first to see it. :)

Until next time...
Angie

Inspiration

I have finished reading the second chapter in the book and it's about discovering and acknowledging your fears. This will take a little soul searching so I'm not quite ready to discuss that yet. I have, however, decided that I need to set myself a few goals so that I can actually accomplish my journey of self.

1) I need to finally hunker down and set up my art space. In my new house (we rent) I have an amazing loft that I plan on turning into my creative hub... and I actually have to do it. This will take a little time in finding a computer desk, drafting table, and other things that I feel would be helpful in the space, but this in a goal that is necessary to start.

2) START .... I know it sounds funny, but my goal is to START! To start doing SOMETHING. Anything that requires a creative outlet.

3) Find inspiration. There are so many different loves in my life that I need to finally find that spark. In order to do this I've been trying to expose myself to creativity in my own area as well as through other means. I attend a knit and chat night at All Strung Out in Guelph when I can, and I've been trying to expose myself to other creative things in the city.

Last night there was this very interesting city gathering at the new Interactive Fountain in front of City Hall. They started with a band, followed by some spoken word performer and finished with a dance troupe in the fountain.

The band and the spoken word were neat but the most interesting part of it had to be the fountain. They started with 5 dancers who in dance seemed to turn on the fountain and express "joy". The part that I loved the most was once the fountain was turned on they were joined by more and more choreographed dancers of all ages and skill levels. As the water increased so did the number of dancers in the fountain. They ended the night by including spectators in the dance slowly pulling more people till it was just a community dance in the fountain.

Towards the end I decided to try and take a panorama picture with my cell phone. I have to say I'm thoroughly impressed with the quality of the picture.

Dancing in the Water.

This made a few of the audience "well up" but the experience was certainly worth going. I'm looking forward to going to more of these types of events in the future and hopefully bringing the family to more of them too.

May inspiration find you, wherever you may be.
Until next time.
Angie

The Unearthing

So I've completed chapter one. At this point I am not doing any of the actual art activities being I'm still lacking in space and time and money and mostly motivation (I won't lie). But this chapter did do it's job in unearthing a lot of thoughts.

The main goal in chapter one was a discussion of looking within... accepting that there are dreams and whispers within your soul/heart/life that may need a little bit of attention, or even a leap into the unknown. And it got me thinking...

I have come to the realization that I have two very conflicting likes and interests... heck most of my interests seem to go to the extremes (and I don't mean bungee-jumping). I have a love and fascination with all things math, this is a surprise to some but not to my closest friends... my usual explanation is that I'm the only person I know to apply to Aerospace Engineering and Studio Arts for University. As you all know I have completed a Studio Arts degree but a part of me has always liked the reliability of math. The concept that you have a right answer and a wrong answer and that the subjective quality of art is not there.

What I have realized that through all of my life I have been trying to keep these two contrasting interests separate. I want the frivolity of art (I think it's the idea more than the practice), but some part of me has always wanted to be a high end business person. A major part of this need is the feeling that I am better than what I do. I look at something (business, art, etc) and always say "I can do that!". Over the past 6 or so years I keep debating on going back to school to get an MBA (yeah I know, WAY different than art), I just haven't figured out the logistics, and the money issues involved (I soooo don't want more debt).

Other things that have been hounding me is my feeling of inability.... That there are so many better artists that I have ever been. That I haven't been top of my class in most things since high school. I know this is what some of my friends call "the chorus of idiots" talking to me, but acknowledging that they are there is a big step is starting to figure out what is it I want to do with myself....

So... from this looking into myself I've discovered the above and more:
1) I love math/business/physics and a variety of un-art-related activities
2) I am an artist and like being a creative person. I mostly love collage and photography but have done portraiture, chalk, drawing, and my fair share of comic characters.
3) I am a lover of nerdy things... I truly enjoy Geek and Sundry , I have a "slight" fascination with everything Wil Wheaton , and have even played my fair share of table top games, Vampire the Masquerade, D&D and LARP (If you don't know what that means... fear the geek! LOL). I am also an avid comic and action movie lover. I used to own quite a few X-Men and have tried to keep up with my Marvel lore over the years.
4) I miss doing sports, mostly some form of martial arts. I have a black belt in TaeKwonDo but haven't practiced in years. I've been really debating on taking kick boxing (Something different enough that I won't feel like I'm looking down on or trying to correct other people).

So I've come to acknowledge that I have two very contrasting groups of interests, but I think I'm compartmentalizing. I also need to acknowledge that all these interests are part of me, one single being, and that maybe they are not as contrasting as I think.

So my goal.... to find/create something that can encompass all of me. What that will be, who knows... that's part of the excitement of the journey.

Until next time.
Angie

Creative??

Well,  I have to start off with apologizing for being offline for so long. I could lie to you and tell you it has to do with some great and amazing thing... but it doesn't. It has to do with life.

With having a daughter who was almost one and going back to work, life had just taken over my ambition and will to be creative in any means. It's funny how tiring life can be when you aren't accomplishing anything extracurricular. You just deal and survive day to day. You enjoy your family and your friends, your new job (or old) and deal. You feel content. But there is always a slight nagging, a slight something in the back of your head poking your brain saying... "Hey!... I'm here when you need me!"

I think I need it...

I need to take the time to re-discover who I am, what I am and how my many conflicting interests can turn into one thing... So I bought a book.

Yeah, I know. You're groaning on the other end saying "Oh, No... Not another one of those self help things". Well, it's not... really.

It's this book:

Find the awesome blog by Kelly Rae Roberts HERE!

So now that I've got the book... I started reading it. I'm only about 14 pages into the book and she has mentioned a few times about creating a whisper journal. What is a Whisper Journal?? It's a book where you can write down, store, paste or sort the ideas, thoughts, things, that are nagging you in the back of your brain. Those things that you keep pushing down and ignoring. Those things that keep bothering or nagging at you and you try to pretend they don't exist.

Being I am who I am, I have come to realize that I "SUCK" at journaling. I always have these grand dreams, thoughts, expectations, that I will start a journal and fill it with my thoughts and dreams and everything else in my life. And then I get about 3 days in and stop or forget or give myself an excuse why I can't find the 5 seconds to write anything down... and so I stop. I tell myself that this was another failed attempt and I pretend it doesn't exist.

I feel in someway I did that with this website. I had these grand ideas of creating a website that would be unique. That would help express my belief that art isn't limited to a few while still being an outlet for my need for a certain amount of academics within the site. When I hit a bit of a brain freeze, combined with my daughter getting to the age that she was getting into anything I left out, I stopped being able to find the time to be creative. And so started the spiral that ended with me only managing to get pictures I took posted and a few treasuries from Etsy. I so wasn't planning on creating a mom blog, I wanted an art blog and I was failing. I kept focusing on putting out content, I felt a need to expand my viewer base and focused too much ondoing what other sites wanted. I joined blog hops, I joined feeds, I re-configured thing into designs that others said would work. I started feeling frustrated about the whole thing. Then Christmas came and it gave me my excuse to stop.

So I've changed my mind about this site. Instead of being a site that tries to teach art, to teach accessibility and to teach how it all relates I'm am starting fresh. All the old posts will remain but from this point on we are starting new, with new ideas.

What I'm hoping to do is use this site to help me go through my creative journey. This will be my visible "Whisper Journal" as Ms. Roberts calls it. I warn you that this will be an up and down process, I may not even talk about art sometimes and that's okay. Instead of Artsy You being about me trying to show you how to be artsy... it will be more about me trying to figure out how I can re-discover creativity and maybe we will all end up artsy together.

I will be using this site in conjunction with a new board I just started on Pinterest and possibly Twitter a bit. (If the links don't work please let me know and I'll fix them).

So I hope you join me on this journey, wherever it may lead us.

Until next time.
Angie

YAY!!! BACK UP!!!

OMG it's been a while since I've been able to post on here. Between my computer being in the shop and my daughter teething I haven't managed to actually get onto the computer in almost a month and a half. I'm a bad blogger.. bad bad blogger :).

So I am back. With my daughter getting more active I will be having a harder time posting regularly. I am aiming at once a week minimum!!! So if I haven't posted in a while you better email me and tell me I'm slacking.

I am planning some art activities and some little lessons in the next little bit. Hopefully they will be posted here once I'm done. For now here are a few pics I've done of my daughter recently. Would you believe she's nine months already! WOW how time flies!!!!

As usual I'm using a NIKON D40 and an attached flash pointed to the ceiling. I really love the contrast this gives me and she's been such an awesome model :).

Until later!
Keep Creating
Angie :)