So I've completed chapter one. At this point I am not doing any of the actual art activities being I'm still lacking in space and time and money and mostly motivation (I won't lie). But this chapter did do it's job in unearthing a lot of thoughts.
The main goal in chapter one was a discussion of looking within... accepting that there are dreams and whispers within your soul/heart/life that may need a little bit of attention, or even a leap into the unknown. And it got me thinking...
I have come to the realization that I have two very conflicting likes and interests... heck most of my interests seem to go to the extremes (and I don't mean bungee-jumping). I have a love and fascination with all things math, this is a surprise to some but not to my closest friends... my usual explanation is that I'm the only person I know to apply to Aerospace Engineering and Studio Arts for University. As you all know I have completed a Studio Arts degree but a part of me has always liked the reliability of math. The concept that you have a right answer and a wrong answer and that the subjective quality of art is not there.
What I have realized that through all of my life I have been trying to keep these two contrasting interests separate. I want the frivolity of art (I think it's the idea more than the practice), but some part of me has always wanted to be a high end business person. A major part of this need is the feeling that I am better than what I do. I look at something (business, art, etc) and always say "I can do that!". Over the past 6 or so years I keep debating on going back to school to get an MBA (yeah I know, WAY different than art), I just haven't figured out the logistics, and the money issues involved (I soooo don't want more debt).
Other things that have been hounding me is my feeling of inability.... That there are so many better artists that I have ever been. That I haven't been top of my class in most things since high school. I know this is what some of my friends call "the chorus of idiots" talking to me, but acknowledging that they are there is a big step is starting to figure out what is it I want to do with myself....
So... from this looking into myself I've discovered the above and more:
1) I love math/business/physics and a variety of un-art-related activities
2) I am an artist and like being a creative person. I mostly love collage and photography but have done portraiture, chalk, drawing, and my fair share of comic characters.
3) I am a lover of nerdy things... I truly enjoy Geek and Sundry , I have a "slight" fascination with everything Wil Wheaton , and have even played my fair share of table top games, Vampire the Masquerade, D&D and LARP (If you don't know what that means... fear the geek! LOL). I am also an avid comic and action movie lover. I used to own quite a few X-Men and have tried to keep up with my Marvel lore over the years.
4) I miss doing sports, mostly some form of martial arts. I have a black belt in TaeKwonDo but haven't practiced in years. I've been really debating on taking kick boxing (Something different enough that I won't feel like I'm looking down on or trying to correct other people).
So I've come to acknowledge that I have two very contrasting groups of interests, but I think I'm compartmentalizing. I also need to acknowledge that all these interests are part of me, one single being, and that maybe they are not as contrasting as I think.
So my goal.... to find/create something that can encompass all of me. What that will be, who knows... that's part of the excitement of the journey.
Until next time.