So today I started doing my usual downward spiral (and I don't mean NIN) when it comes to my blogs.
Instead of having a laissez-faire attitude about whether or not people actually read my blog. I am sitting waiting to see if the number goes up....
What this means? Other than the fact that I've obviously had a fairly slow day at work, is that I'm basing my success as a blogger and my idea of being an interesting individual on whether or not people read and/or comment on my blog. This is totally something I need to work on.
I don't know why we all have such a striving need for approval in some way or another. I wish I was able to just write without others opinions being prominent in the back of my mind. But I have failed yet again to be able to complete something without feeling a need for approval.
This truly bothers me and it should not. I should be able to write and discuss my ongoing journey in life, art and all things without feeling like I am trying to appease some other individuals. I want to be able to scream my ideas out to the world without feeling like someone is going to 'hush' me like I'm in a library.
So I'm going to shout.... I will shout and shout and shout and one day I will be able to write without feeling like I need a following or approval. Maybe the only answer is to just keep my nose to the grindstone and keep going.
I should just write and if someone comments then I can read that, but other than that I should avoid looking at the tracking pages.
Maybe we should start a mantra.... "I am successful individual, I enjoy my art, my family and my blog, I have a job I love, I am successful in everything I do, I am happy, health, safe and strong, I am rewarded for my hard work, I am surrounded by people that love me and are supportive of anything I choose to do, I am comfortable monetarily and am truly happy with where my life is at, I have strong and supportive roll models whether I know them personally or not, I am happy being me."
Well that's a good start.... If there is anything else that I feel should be added I will update the mantra in further posts. Heck just writing that out makes me feel all glowy inside.
Until next time